I have been a bit MIA in certain ways for quite a while now and I am finally ready to let you in on what's been going on with me and the doggie crew. The truth is a lot of shit has gone down, and I was too busy going through it all to write or talk about it. Now that some time has gone by and I have had the chance to process things and grow from them, I decided I wanted to write about it here and share some of my personal journey that I am hoping some can relate to.
A lot has gone on the past year. I went through some major life and career changes, got divorced, went through some of the most challenging times of my life both physically and mentally, and moved by myself with 3 dogs. I rebuilt my life, leaned on my amazing friends, found a special love, had to have back surgery, and I did some of the traveling I always dreamt of doing. I meditated in the mountains of West Viriginia, felt my family roots in Puerto Rico, danced alongside street performers in Boston, relaxed by the water in Rhode Island, marveled at tile art and castles in Portugal, and ate tapas and applauded flamenco shows in Spain.
Throughout this entire process, experience, and change, there was (and still is) a lot of adjustment for me and the dogs. We are forever growing and changing - and although that can be difficult at times, it can also be some of the most pivotal moments of all.
Human Stress Can Equal Dog Stress
Dogs are students of us. They watch our every move and know our routines. So of course, if we are stressed, they can become stressed too. Most of us have experienced a dog coming over to comfort us when we are upset, sick, or crying. Dogs pick up on a lot of our cues and know when things seem "off", especially if there is arguing, crying, or distress in the household. They are also trying to deal with the life changes and stressors, so be patient with them - and don't forget to be patient with yourself too. During my experience of being separated while getting ready to move out of my old house, the dogs most certainly were sensitive to the tension and stress going on. Honestly, I had always hoped that if it ever came to something like this, that my ex and I could navigate the changes cordially - but unfortunately that was not the case. I had to endure things I never thought I would. I will be forever grateful for my dogs being there as a source of comfort and safety throughout that really challenging time.
New Place, Old Dogs?
One thing I noticed in the first few months of our new living situation was that all three of my dogs were reverting to some old unwanted behaviors. Freddie's separation distress and generalized anxiety were showing back up, Bruce suddenly forgot all of the potty training we did, and Jade (now going on 13 years old, with one eye), was able to hear and see me less now in her older years.
When you just went through lots of big changes and a messy divorce, the last thing you might feel like doing is spend tons of time (re)training your dogs. So, I did my best managing the situation with gates, crates, times set aside to exercise them and provided mental stimulation when I could.
As much as the regression on certain behaviors and skills I worked so hard with them over the years upset me, I tried to remind myself that we were all doing our best with what we had going on.
This is why it's important to remember that training is really relationship-building. It never truly ends. It's never fully done. It's a relationship you have to work on and check in with, just like any other. That being said, I am back to training them more and working on things, while still implementing a good management plan. Things aren't perfect, but lots of improvement has happened.
New Life, New Routine
My life didn't end when I got divorced. In fact, I feel like I got to start life fresh again. I found parts of myself that were shoved down and hidden away - that I missed. I revisited old hobbies, tried new foods, and smiled more. I gained a new trust in myself, my intuition, and my instincts. I fell in love with myself again. I overcame the biggest challenges of my entire life and found ways to laugh about it. I grew closer to my amazing friends who are like family to me, I reflected on things in a deep way, I rekindled relationships with family, I drank tons of coffee, and fully got back to my passion of dogs and my business again.
And when I absolutely least expected it, a special man came into my life, my heart said, "one more time", and I fell in love.
I feel more myself than I ever have before. Although I am seeing wonderful old parts of me come back out that I thought were long gone, I am also out searching for new parts of me. As Emily Dickinson once wrote, "I am out with lanterns looking for myself." I'm elated to discover more about me in this new chapter of my life.
In this new phase and new location, of course the dogs and I have created a new routine. I remember the first few weeks at the new apartment thinking, "Oh my god, I have to take three dogs out on leashes each time to go potty." I definitely grieved not having a yard anymore. Many times, I thought "Man, this is way less space for all three dogs." But as the weeks went by, that became more normal too. The "newness" of everything became less new and more normal. I'm happy to update that the dogs are way more comfortable in our new place, and although taking them all out separately on leash is still a pain in the butt sometimes, I have thoroughly enjoyed going on daily walks with them as opposed to just sitting in my old backyard. Our new normal has become a positive in many ways.
What's to Come
My hopes in writing some of this out in the blog was to free myself of the weight of what's gone on, share some of my journey with you, and I'm hopeful that this will allow me to freely and authentically put out more content from here on out. This includes more details about how to deal with change (both dogs and humans), more on my back injury and how I kept my sanity with the dogs during my recovery from surgery, more about my travels in Europe and the differences I saw in the dogs there, and how my new lifestyle and routine has impacted my relationship with the dogs and our training protocols. I can't wait to share more with you!
Final Thoughts (A Personal Note)
After the trauma, drama, blessings, and positives I have experienced - especially over the past year, I want to leave you with a few things I have learned from all of this change. I hope it can help you or someone you know during the journey of life.
Going through a big life event will bring out your real friends and family, they will want to help - let them. You will need it. Let people check in on you, let them bring you food and flowers, call them to cry or vent. Your fear of being a "burden" is not only unwarranted, but it's in these moments where your friendships will actually grow and get stronger.
Constantly people pleasing will not only get you nowhere fast, but it will also come at the cost of your own needs. Being too selfless can make you lose yourself. Make sure to take emotional inventory once in a while. Are you abandoning yourself to make others happy? Are you sacrificing your own needs in the name of keeping the peace? Is there a voice deep in your soul constantly nagging at you telling you there is more to life than this? Listen to that voice.
Just because you said, "I do" or "I will" to someone doesn't mean you have to stay in a situation that you think isn't healthy, happy, safe, or right for you any longer. You are allowed to choose yourself, in fact, please ensure that you do. I think sometimes we can forget that we only get one fucking life, and no one is coming to save you or shake you out of the situation you're in. It is up to you to save yourself from drowning in unhappiness. Listen to your instinct and your intuition, it's there for a reason. Choosing yourself will sometimes hurt others and they will make you the villain of their story - do not worry about it. You are not in control of other people's narratives and what they say about you. What people think about your decisions about your own life is not your concern. Deconstruction is an essential part of reconstruction. Your new life will cost you your old one.
Learn from your mistakes. Really look inward. Understand how you may have contributed to things and what you could have done differently. Take responsibility and accountability for things you may have done or not done. I find that no matter the situation, there is always room for personal growth. Let the shitty situations further help develop your character and be a cautionary tale for future you to do better, in whatever way that is.
Remember, you only get this one life. You will only be this age once. This will be the only time you get to be with this version of yourself. Please don't take it for granted. Do not take it lightly. Be mindful of what you do with your time and who you spend it with, because you don't get much of it. I implore you to let your mind, your heart, your soul, and yourself run free.
Lastly, the most precious and important relationship you will ever have will be the one you have with yourself. So, choose you, let the rest burn, and watch the beauty that grows from the ashes.
Here's to the next chapter...
Thanks for reading. Love you. <3
- E
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